if i can run in heels then i can drive
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
