Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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