I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
