The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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