All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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