is your mom at the bar?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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