Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
