you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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