he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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