I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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