sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think my mom watched the whole time
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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