I am puke
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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