I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
