I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think i have two assholes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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