TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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