Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
