Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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