mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog