Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.