It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.