my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.