you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
