The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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