I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
where am i from again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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