im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
