glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
