I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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