i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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