I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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