is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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