apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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