omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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