I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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