I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
