I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My cat gives me a boner
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
