Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize