someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
