You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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