I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
