I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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