i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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