I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
