its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
