when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
