Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
