I need help removing her.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
