I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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