they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
