well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
