I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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