Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
