new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
