I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
