Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
