I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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