By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
