i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
