We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
