dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
