i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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