i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do vagina's smell?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
