I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
