She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
