im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
