I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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