1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
