I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
