Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
