Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
