Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
