The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize