I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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