I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
