I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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