i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
